Mind wandering ... Second verse, nearly the same as the first (from what I remember)

So:


“I used to think truth was eternal, that once I knew, once I saw, it would be with me forever, a constant by which everything else could be measured. I know now that this isn’t so, that most truths are inherently unretainable, that we have to work hard all our lives to remember the most basic things.” – Lucy Grealy, Autobiography of a Face


For some reason, this quote shook me a bit.


Setting aside for now the argument about the existence of truth(s) - for now we'll call them tenets, or even realizations, or personal, subjective conclusions - I never gave much thought to the fact that they are indeed slippery. I suppose, like Grealy, I had just assumed that once an epiphany is achieved it is embedded somewhere permanent in the heart or psyche, like a brick placed in a foundation for personal philosophies. In some ways, with some truths, I believe this happens. For instance, the old cliche: the first time that you realize that the hot stove will burn your hand, you're apt to build that truth - fire burns, burning is unpleasant - into your foundation. Even less tangible things, like the realization of sexual attraction experienced during puberty, or the welcoming of a baby brother or sister into a family unit, or finding out that Santa Claus isn't real, all these become part of the foundation, fundamentally and permanently altering our outlook on life. But still, even with these truths, conclusions - how present are they really in our day to day lives? Do they have to be lodged in our consciousness in order to be "a constant by which everything else is measured" or is it good enough to have them as a foundation? Even truths that are gigantic, imminent - the truth of our mortality, for one - can disappear into subconscious, into forgetting, however temporarily. We can, of course, be reminded again, be forced to inspect and perhaps reconfigure the foundation, but in general, that's what it is: subconscious, hidden, not forefronted. "Unretainable," then, should be interpreted not as "easily lost or forgotten" but perhaps as "unable to maintain constantly."



I guess where this leads me to is an examination of what I consider to be truths in my life that I want to be conscious of on a day to day, even minute to minute basis. I consider myself a person with a lot of guiding truths, some more abstract than others (always pick up pennies versus stop and savoring the small things ... which could be a hierarchy of two truths, actually.). I have tenets that are held close to my heart, but that are, as Grealy says, unretainable in the sense that they cannot be at the forefront every moment, cannot be conscious and literal and stark at every juncture in life. Sometimes, that's good - some truths don't apply to certain situations (do unto others doesn't have much practical application when I'm grouting the tub) and it would be distracting to be beseiged with higher truths all of the time. However, it's also dangerous to forget them - the one that pains me most is when I forget to enjoy little things that break me out of the obliterating monotony that can so easily take over. (!!Warning, pretentious nerd alert.!!) Nietzsche claims that the impulse to eschew the mysterious and profound in favor of the superficial, trivial and apparent is innate and natural to humans. (Thanks, Daniel Pinchbeck. And thanks for the freaking laundry list of reading material). This seems to be the overriding mantra of our culture - materialism and consumerism obliterate any feelings of real acquisition, convenience trumps all, and, well, reality tv. Need I say more? However, I really refuse to believe that the natural and, by intimation, healthy and correct instinct of the human race is to veg out on an endless loop of Flavor of Love season 4. I think that it's definitely easier to digest the superficial but distractions from the messiness and complexity of life are just a coping mechanism. Complexity, multiplicity, the unknown and unknowable is scary. Having a million multiplying possibilities (...) is intimidating, but also so freeing. This isn't to say I'm against simplicity; in fact, I think it's a good thing, as long as it's a clearheaded distillation of the subtle, not a blind denial of all things complicated. The human mind can only consciously juggle so much and go along surviving in a world that is certainly (well ... damn you Daniel Pinchbeck) much less abstract and much more tangible and sensation-driven.

Which brings me rather inelegantly back around to the nature of the truths that I try to hold in my consciousness. Perhaps the answer is remembering tangible distillations of the abstract truths - thus, "do unto others" means "hold the door open for the person behind you" and "always smile at the cashier;" "appreciate the little things" becomes "look up at the clouds" and "always pick up pennies." That way, I'm more able to be consciously engaging the truths that make up my foundation (and I believe the foundation is crucial) while finding the little treasures that life presents me, and striving to live it well. Because what does "appreciate" mean, really, besides smiling when I hear the jingle of a penny in my pocket as I walk home under the gaze of a beautiful blue sky?